I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
