Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Barsexuality is the new black.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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