i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
