i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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