There was a lot of him and a little penis
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
