Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This house was built for laser tag.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
