If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
