I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
