Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
