my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
