barbara walters just said penis...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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