Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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