apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize