I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
