If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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