Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
