Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
