I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
