Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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