I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
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That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
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Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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