Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
