Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There was a lot of him and a little penis
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
