I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
