Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
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What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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