a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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