Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
