so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
