you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
