I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
