she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
