My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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