If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
