i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
