I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
