first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
