I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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