Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You can't special order awesome
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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