Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
