sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
