I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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