I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
