no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
