i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
