no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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