ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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