I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i drank out of a bidet.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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