Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
