I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
