Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
