i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
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Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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