As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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