She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
