You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish you could order shots online.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
