We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
