Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
