If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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