okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize