'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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