It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
