Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
