My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
