Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
